Restless

I have been restless lately. Growing up, my family moved every 2 to 3 years. Rob and I have lived in this house for 4 years now, and it is hard for me sometimes. It makes me feel stagnant.

It never helps being at home every day. Sometimes I wish I lived in a place where I could look out the window and see crowds going by. My view consists of still leaves and grass and immovable rays of sun. Sometimes we are lucky enough to see the UPS man delivering packages. It's not that interesting, but he at least provides us with a little movement. Garbage day is downright hectic with 4 garbage trucks passing by.

On these still days, I wish I lived somewhere else. I long to be in a city where people are built up around me. I long to be in a place where the daytime is busy and the nighttime has a beat. Sometimes I watch the washing machine bogged down with clothes. Round and round in the same place doing the same task. I feel that way too.

The only day I get out is Sunday, but I hate Sundays. Going to church to converse with the holy manequins...never feeling like I measure up to this plastic perfection. Feeling manipulated by the music. I break their rules on so many different levels. Not only that, but I don't wear enough make-up, my hair is not dyed, and I am pierced in too many places. Sometimes I feel like they worship a different God than I do.

This feeling will pass. It always does. Soon I will remember that my routine serves a grander purpose. My kids will grow up, and life will become moveable again.

But today I am restless.

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Why is there no breeze?
No currency of leaves
No current through the water, why
No feelings I can see
I trust no emotion
I believe in locomotion
I've turned to rust as we've discussed
Though I must have let you down too many times
In the dirt and the dust
~Wilco from "You are my Face"